Dipping a toe into the “uncomfortable”

A lesson I’ve been learning for years which keeps screaming out to me recently is that we will all find ourselves in uncomfortable places at times.  A comment we wish we had made, a job we wish we had applied for, a moment we wish we could do over.  How many times do we wish we had a second chance to correct an action or a word… To take something back?  I’m thankful that one of the benefits of getting older is that things seem to become so much clearer.  In our younger years we are so driven by what other people think.  In our older years that concern fades.  It’s very freeing, actually.  Unfortunate that we couldn’t have this knowledge in our 20’s when we all think we are invincible and bulletproof, and our driving life force is the desire to be accepted.  I much prefer being in this space of self-awareness and self acceptance.

A promise I’ve made to myself in the last few years is this- if I feel it I will say it.  I don’t ever want to imagine anyone who falls into my circle of life during my time here ever has to question my intention.  My mother has always jokingly said that “Amanda has never had an emotion which she didn’t express.”  That’s a pretty dead on description.  I can tell you that this truth has sometimes caused me heartache, but it has also brought me streams of happiness and blessings that make me thankful I found the boldness to act upon.

If we choose to love- let’s love fully.  If we are going to lose- let’s lose completely (giving it everything we’ve got).  If we’re going to try- let’s try full heartedly.  If we’re going to dream- let’s dream monumentally.  My fervent wish is that when my life is over there should be no one who questions their importance to me.  No wish I have should ever go unattempted.  I tell my family and friends as often as I can how much I value them and how much they mean to me.  When I have a goal I try all that I can to attain it.

It should be said that such “boldness” comes with a price.  You won’t always get the responses you hoped for.  Desired relationships many never come to fruition.  Desired hopes and dreams may never come into focus.  But the heart of the matter is that if we don’t try- if we don’t take the risk- we will never know what could become.  Moving forward in boldness requires a certain gut-level moxy which may take years to grow into.  It has for me.  I only know that when I look back and I pinpoint the regrets I have in my life most of them can be attributed to a floundering sense of security I had in myself.  I’m not that gal anymore.

This woman has decided that she’s going to be a risk taker and a goal setter.  It is easy to second guess ourselves when we can look at a past history of disappointment and doubt, but you’re never going to know if you never try.  It’s truly as simple as that.  Take your risk.  Don’t be afraid.  If “no” is the worse we ever hear surely we are strong enough to move forward and proceed.  At least we can rest in the knowledge that we made an effort.

John Mayer has a song called “Say What You Need to Say”.  It has always spoken to me.  Life’s simply too short for us to not say what we need.  None of us are promised a tomorrow.  Don’t we owe it to ourselves to make our TODAY the very best that it can be?  I think so.


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