Waiter, there’s no reality in my reality

The human mind is capable of unfathomable feats.  We are capable of convincing ourselves that our perceived reality is indeed….. well…reality.  Perception can be deceptive.  That is the danger.  Each of us have surely had a moment where the proverbial rug is pulled out from under our feet.  When something we were SO CERTAIN about turned out to be much more elusive than we thought.  So, there we are.  Proverbial rug in a wad in the corner.  Now what?  What does this tell us about ourselves?  I’ve had several opportunities this year to examine this very question. 

I believe there are times in our lives that our “true” reality just doesn’t quite cut the mustard.  (You know, in 40 years of life I’ve never understood that expression nor used it in writing, but it’s actually pretty fun to say.)  Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself.  You wake up one day and while still lying in bed with crust in the corners of your eyes you think to yourself- “This CAN’T be IT!”  “Surely, this isn’t all there is.”  I believe it is in moments like these that we allow ourselves to indulge in a little fantasy wrapped up neatly in a package stamped “reality”.  We can imagine something better so let’s just start acting like that’s what we are dealing with today.  Doesn’t sound too detrimental, does it?  Only thing is it is very difficult to move ahead in reality when you enjoy spending your time in the fantasy.  Sure, the fantasy can be fun.  Heck, it can be anything you want it to be.  Unfortunately most fantasies have an expiration date and when that fantasy sours you can be left with the wreckage of your reality that you left uncared for and untended while you were on your reality leave of absence.

I believe the entrance into our perceived reality is innocent enough.  It may boil down to nothing more than self-preservation.  As I’ve said, the mind is a powerful tool.  It is capable of creating situations, feeding feelings, and leading us to making decisions which may or may not be in our best interest.  When I look back on my own life and I push all of the mistakes and bad decisions I’ve made into a pile I have come to realize something.  So often decisions were made too hastily, without much thought to consequence.  So many decisions have been thoughtless, stupid.  If I could somehow just learn to ride out the stupid in my life then one month from now, a year from now, or even two years from now things may look very different. 

I believe the thought that “it’s all about me or about me being happy” is a virtual mine field of explosives just waiting to blow up in our spoiled, selfish faces.  Everything from our culture to our advertising to our friends tells us that we only live once and we should do whatever we need to make ourselves happy.  Really?  How gluttonous can we possibly be?  I’m pretty sure that we have been told it’s all about Christ.  Haven’t we?  I don’t recall my Bible having a book of Amanda which states “Do anything that makes you happy.”  Dangerous thinking leads to dangerous decisions.  When I was in college the stupid decisions I made hurt me.  Now, as a mother, I don’t even have that option anymore.  My decisions reach far beyond just me.  How could I ever look at those two precious, freckled little faces and tell them, “Sorry, but mommy just wanted to be happy.”?  How does that work?

I’ve had to learn this year to ride out my stupid.  Oh, please understand I most certainly do have my moments of stupid, I’m just learning that big life decisions can’t be made in my perceived reality.  The only place we have a right to do so is in our present realized reality.  It may not be what we intended or imagined, but it is where we are today and it is what we have to work with.  Who knows what this place may look like in a month, a year, two years?  Riding it out…


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mom
    Sep 27, 2010 @ 22:25:34

    There is a great peace to be found in the ordinary, plain, simple, unsophisticated, non-complex, uneventful parts of life. And, frankly, i am weary of those who are so vacuous that they need to “be happy” all the time. Seeking happy is just looking for ice cream to fill in the hole in the wall. Picture how that turns out.



  2. elfinfun
    Sep 28, 2010 @ 19:43:10

    I could use a dose of plain and boring.



  3. Trackback: Waiter, there’s no reality in my reality | Manda's Wonderland

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