I hope this blog will be as fun to type as I have imagined it in my mind to be. I have mentioned my friend Kelli in past blogs and will most likely continue to do so since it seems there is no subject in this universe which is off-limits during any of our discussions. Kelli and I spend hours (literally) discussing current life and past experiences and we’ve come to a few conclusions. One that seems to come up in many of our talks are the women that we know and the women that we are personally. Sometimes in the midst of one of our chats, when one is discussing something about ourselves that we don’t particularly like, we will use the phrase “I don’t want to be THAT girl.”
You may be confused a bit by this phrase so let me break it down for you. “THAT girl” can be anyone of us on any given day who is simply not living up to the fabulousness that we know we contain within ourselves. 🙂 I’ll give you some examples to use in helping to categorize THAT girl.
The Spotlight Girl- I need to begin with a disclaimer. I am happy to admit that I am a bit of a spotlight girl myself. Now mind you, I don’t need the spotlight for the FULL duration of our time together, but more than likely at some point during our visit I am going to require it for a few minutes. It is interesting to me that I seem to be surrounded with other spotlight girls much of the time, so we have learned to pass that spotlight around to the whole group after each girl has had her ample share of time. There were five of us girls in college, each needing the spotlight for varying degrees of time, and we had an inside joke that we would share anytime we went dancing. Whenever any of us thought we were doing something funny or worthy of attention or were just being a show off we would loudly proclaim as we were dancing, “LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!” It doesn’t really get more direct than that, does it?! Spotlight girls can be annoying. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve lived it. I think everyone is deserving of the spotlight during their time on this planet. I’ve learned that the secret is that you just can’t hog it. No one likes a girl who requires that all attention be focused on her at all times. Can I get an “amen”?
The Boyfriend Girl- This girl would be that person we all knew in high school who would drop her friends like a bag of hot potatoes anytime she “got” a boyfriend. When she is single this girl would spend every waking moment of the day with her friends- laughing, shopping, going to dinners- but the moment a boy came into the picture all you could see was her dust as she galloped away on that white horse with her new prince. The worst part about THIS girl is that the minute she gets dumped by said prince, she would try to come slinking back, after having not spoken to you in 3 months, and then would have her feelings hurt that she wasn’t welcomed back with open arms. The boyfriend girl just needs to learn to prioritize. You don’t have to have EITHER a boyfriend or friends. You are allowed to have both. I know this because the spotlight girls signed this declaration and it became fact. 😉
The Needy Girl- I am noticing that my fingers are growing heavy just trying to type this one. The needy girl is THAT girl who will literally suck the life out of you with all of her moaning and complaining about how unfair life is and lamenting over all of her many woes. We are all needy and fussy at one time or another. We all have ups and downs. I am referring specifically to that girl who is the proverbial Eeyore in your life with the little black cloud overhead and all. Sometimes you may adopt a needy girl into your circle in the hopes that you can somehow better her life. I’ve noticed that generally what actually ends up happening is that once all of the air has been sucked out of your balloon and you’ve given all of the advice you have to give, we generally throw these girls back. Being in need is one thing. Being the needy girl is something completely different.
The One-Upper Girl- This girl has done everything that you ever have, but she’s done it bigger and better. Whether this girl is being honest about all of her accomplishments is still up for debate, but one thing is for sure- this girl has to “one up” everyone. If you took a 5-mile hike THIS girl has just scaled Mount Kilimanjaro. If you bought a wonderful, new purse at the outlet mall THIS girl has just flown back from Milan, Italy, assisting Miuccia Prada herself with designing the spring line of new handbags. This girl was on every honor roll, won every academic award, took every title of recognition throughout her high school and college experience, and LOVES to talk about it. A noticable difference between this girl and the spotlight girl is that the one-upper girl tries to grab the attention by slowly extinguishing any light which may be shining your way, even just for a moment, and making sure that her light is the best light with the highest possible wattage. An important lesson for the one-upper girl to learn is that accomplishment is something to be proud of. Being a boastful, bragging b-word is not.
The Gossip Girl- This girl probably doesn’t need much of an introduction. We all know her. This girl is the eyes and ears of your community, your work, or your school. There isn’t a juicy story that she doesn’t know all of the details about and is more than willing to share them with anyone at anytime. The gossip girl is a perpetual pot stirrer. The more her tongue wags and the bigger her eyes get, the quicker you need to be stepping backwards to get away. Trust me- if she’s talking about it WITH you it will only be a matter of time until she’s talking ABOUT you.
The Copycat Girl (thanks to Sonya V. for the suggestion)- I’ve only ever really known one of these girls in my life. It was many years ago and fortunately I was not the one she was copying. This girl means well, but her lack of originality can become irritating. If you show up at school/work/church with a fabulous new belt/dress/purse it will be only a matter of days until this girl will be the proud owner of that exact possession. It has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I’m guessing that must have been said by a man. (Ha! Charles Colton 1780-1832… I just Googled it!) Some women like to be trend setters. It’s important that as a woman you develop your own style and look. It should be exclusive to you. Sure, you can take bits and pieces that you like from other people and tweak them to make them your own, just don’t try to be a carbon-copy of someone you’re not. Be yourself, ladies. There is only one you- make it exceptional.
The Evil Girl (thanks to Amy Jo P. and Sandra for the suggestion)- The name really says it all. This girl is most definitely NOT someone you want to be around. This girl’s very happiness depends upon the crushing of others. I’ve often wondered how some people find the time to invest so much energy in trying to make another person’s life miserable. Don’t these people have lives of their own? Don’t they have hobbies? I would think it takes so much time and effort to constantly be scheming and planning that all I really have to say about this girl is how much I feel sorry for her. How miserable must she be inside as a person to find her greatest happiness in hurting others? How we treat others during our time here is truly a reflection of our inward character. If this girl is constantly trying to put the negative focus and attention on someone else then that tells me there are horrible things in her own life that she doesn’t want to be discovered. My only piece of advice about this girl… stay away. When listing the qualities I want in a true friend the word “evil” very rarely makes the list. 🙂
The Jealous Girl- This girl can be jealous of you for any number of reasons. Perhaps she wishes she looked like you or dressed like you. Maybe she wishes she had your car, your job, or your life. This girl is the person in your life who makes you want to scream, “WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST GROW UP?!” from the top of your lungs. I’m sure at one time or another we all have a touch of this girl in us, but when the jealousy rears its ugly head and it is noticed by other people, then it becomes problematic. Example: Some girls only have one friend at a time. I like to have an assortment of friends. I think the mixture is always fun and interesting. Not all girls enjoy the mixture and may start to feel insecure or threatened when a new person comes into the fold. The jealous girl should be encouraged to develop her own self-worth. If you like who you are and can become secure in THAT, then the others are free to float in and out as they wish. You know you’re fabulous. No one has to stroke you to remind you.
The Stalker Girl- This girl is actually pretty fun to talk about. I don’t really mean stalker in a restraining-order sort of way. More of a girl who might continuously call, email, text, chase, hunt down, and spy on her man. The stalker girl has insecurities for whatever reason and feels that if she is not in constant contact with her man of the moment then something must be wrong. This girl is one who may call a boyfriend 15 times during an argument and leave messages and then continue to call because JUST MAYBE (fingers crossed) he’ll pick up on that 16th try. “Stalker girl” can very easily roll into “desperate girl” and that is never anywhere any of us want to wind up. Just put down that phone, girl. He’ll call when he can.
I have a feeling this list will continue to be added to in the future. For now I’ll just say that I believe we all have some of THAT girl in us. I think the real challenge is to learn to identify it and then to focus on minimizing THAT part of us which takes away from our overall fabulousness!