A Meditation On Skirted Swimsuits

I have been so busy with life lately that I haven’t had much free time in which to blog.  I think it’s funny that this is my reentrance back into “Manda’s Wonderland”, but even such… here goes-

My family and I have just returned from a trip to a water park.  I’d say within the first 15 minutes of being inside of this water-filled kingdom I KNEW that this blog was coming.  I could just feel it.  Two things became painfully clear to me within just moments of strapping on those overpriced wrist bands.  The first being that I was obviously one of only about 8 other people on the premises who had missed the “Free Tatoo” bus which must have been parked outside.  I saw tattoos on every part of a person’s visible body that you could imagine.  I have friends with tattoos, mind you.  This is just a personal opinion, but I’m wondering how that neck tatoo is working for ya’ while you’re sitting in a job interview?  Just sayin’.  🙂

The second thing which came clearly into focus was that at some point in the life of a woman many of us will cross into that role-defining wardrobe moment otherwise known as the “skirted swimsuit” or even better the “mom” suit.  We’ve all heard about “mom jeans”, but I think the skirted swimsuit screams even more loudly,  “I am mother, hear me roar!  Yeah, I wear a skirt on my swimsuit- what of it?!” 

Now, before I start receiving hate mail on this topic, I should interject that I own a skirted swimsuit.  Mine is probably even worse, actually, because mine was purchased as a maternity swimsuit.  It’s a lovely, shapeless black number with spaghetti straps and not only is it skirted, but the “skirt” starts right up under the boobs, more of a dress actually.  So, you can imagine how lovely and glamorous this piece of $19.99 lycra couture looks on a body- pregnant or not.  Sadly, this eventually became my post-pregnancy swimsuit by default.  I like to think of it as “mysterious”- no one had any idea what was really happening up under those yards and yards of flowing, black fabric.  I could have hidden a pot-bellied pig or a rack of ribs up there and no one would have been any the wiser.

I can remember to this day being about 16 years old and wearing the most adorable bikinis I could get my hands on.  I remember standing in front of a full-length mirror with my girlfriends and all of us complaining about how FAT we looked in our size 6 suits…. SIZE 6!!!!!  Let me tell you, friends, if I could somehow time travel my way back to that group of girls, I would get out and b****- slap each and every one of them!  If I could squeeze even 1/2 of my butt into a size 6 bikini right now, you might just find me running naked up and down Main Street.

There are many different women with many different body types.  Some have stayed in impeccable shape even after childbirth and my hat is off to them.  I know these women.  My best friend has two young girls and every time I see her in a bikini I jokingly say to her, “Would you please eat a sandwich?”  She has taken great care of her physique by running and watching her diet.  I know there are women who are simply genetically inclined to having svelte figures.  I hate  them…… just kidding….. well, sort of.  🙂  Then, there are women like me.  We have it all working against us.  Genetics, childbirth, and the stresses of life have rendered our thighs just a remanent of a memory of the firm, tanned, sinewy, muscled works of art that they used to be. 

I really regret not taking my camera out to give you examples of some of the suits that I witnessed on our trip that day.  Some of the skirted ones were cute and some even looked like you could wear them while walking up and down the aisle at the grocery store while you’re purchasing your Lucky Charms and Slim-Fast.  Others looked like people trying their best to swim while wearing a choir robe-attempting only to reveal the flesh of their ankles and feet.  Some went to the opposite extreme- shoving everything they had into two tiny pieces of fabric which looked as if they would most definitely burst to reveal more than they eyes of any child should ever see. 

It was interesting to me to ponder what motivated each mother as she was getting dressed that day.  Were they trying to cover up or let the world gawk at the body they were blessed with?  I decided on that day that no matter what you wear, you need to remember first and foremost that you are someone’s mother.  You may choose to be the “sexy” mom, but I think that needs to be done with good taste and thoughtfulness.  You may choose to be the “skirt-wearing” mom, feeling more comfortable with a little extra coverage.  Or, you may choose to take the path I’m currently on- somewhere between the two.  I’ve not given up, mind you, and committed myself to wearing a skirted swimsuit for the rest of my life.  I have ventured out and purchased a one-piece suit which contains not even the hint of a skirt.  I know I may be rushing the issue a bit, but I feel that by wearing it publicly, I’ll be more inclined NOT to eat that $7 slice of pizza being offered at the concession stand.  I am first and foremost a mother, and will dress appropriately, but I’m not ashamed of the body I currently have.  It may not be the body of a 16-year-old, but it is the body of a woman with two wonderful blessings- ages 5 and 6- who still loves to feel attractive and feminine.

This is the end of my speech on skirted swimsuits.  Please join me next time when I tackle the subject of women who wear full makeup to the gym.  🙂