My Really Bad Day

I woke up today thinking it would be just another typical Tuesday.  Think again.  I am a person who has funny and interesting things happen to me on occasion, but I had no idea just what this crazy day would have in store for me.  I was scheduled to substitute for a wonderful 2nd grade teacher today, but in all honesty would have loved to have stayed snuggled down deep in my bed on this frigidly cold day.  Snow was sprinkling just a bit and I was secretly praying that school would be called off.  Why not?  Just add it to the 259 days we’ve already missed for snow this year (slight exaggeration, but you get the point).

The alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. and the day began.  No announcement of school closing, so I fall into my morning routine of getting myself and my two children ready for school.  As a mother who does not work everyday it has taken me a little time to develop the most efficient routine for getting us all ready and out of the door on time.  Kudos to you moms who do this every weekday.  I’m  impressed!

I load up the kids, pick up my lovely nieces, and head into the school.  I have 8 minutes to spare.  This is wonderful!  As I’m herding my tiny masses into the school…it hits me.  Today is the day I’m on the schedule to provide snacks for my son’s preschool class.  Oh, great.  Now what does this mean exactly, I’m wondering?  Are 19 tiny cherub-faced little tornados going to have to do without snack today because I’m all discombobulated since school was out on Monday for a holiday?  Are these children going to be starving because I’m a day behind in my thinking?  I’m panic-stricken.  Problem number one.  I convince myself that there is no way the entire snack-having responsibility of the world would fall upon my forgetful shoulders that morning and I chose to move on.  I have a classroom full of 16 2nd graders waiting for me.

I make my way to the classroom and proceed to spend 7 hours with the sweetest and loudest group of kids you’ve ever met.  One little boy who brough “Mrs. Silvers” a Valentine’s Day gift (chocolates, yum!) and another little cutie who thought it would be a good idea to swipe his white sleeve across the dry-erase board to rid it of evidence from our morning math lesson.  To this child’s mother- my sincerest apologies.  I did go to the trouble of searching for and finding a Spray and Wash stick and helping the child at the sink, but there’s only so much you can do in a classroom, you know?

By the end of my fun but stressful day, I have developed a slight headache.  I’m sure this is nothing that drinking my entire body weight in Diet Coke can’t fix, but I’m certain that all Diet Coke is gone from my house.  (This would be attributed to my drinking my entire body weight in Diet Coke the night before.)  My dear friend Kelli’s two girls have asked if I would let them ride home with me.  No problem.  Kelli lives just across the street from me and we practically live at one another’s homes as it is.  She and I have the sort of relationship where we literally just walk into each other’s homes without fear of being shot dead or slapped with a restraining order.  It’s nice.  🙂

So, in my van- with my pounding headache- I have my two children (ages 5 and 6), my nieces (ages 8 and 11), and Kelli’s girls (ages  and 7).  As you can imagine this was not a quiet ride home.  I heard lots of talk of “buttocks” (my child’s new favorite word) and laughing.  When we arrived back at my house the children leapt from the car and proceeded to play the loudest game of tag that you’ve ever heard.  They should make this particular game on this particular day an Olympic event.  They were truly the best of the best and the loudest of the loud. 

I had just gotten onto my computer and tried to compose some funny status- something like the noise level in my home being a combination of an indian massacre, a rock concert, and a group of howler monkeys during mating season- when my sweet friend Kelli comes walking in.  She has been forewarned of my headache and the gaggle of children in my home and she enters the living room, coffee in hand for each of us.  Good friend.

We catch up on the day’s events and both whine a bit that today hasn’t been our best day ever.  Kids are running through the room and we are gently yet firmly “shoo-ing” them into other parts of the house.  My headache is still throbbing, the coffee is helping, and I’m freezing.  I live in an old house and the front room stays cold in winter time.  I definitely need to focus some attention to better insulating the doors and windows, but for now I just fuss when it’s too cold.  I decided to stand up to get in front of my gas logs in the fireplace.  Those logs are amazing and can warm the room in about 2 minutes.  I try not to focus on the fact that I’m sure the warm air is being sucked right out the gaping spaces in my front door.  I start feeling much more comfortable after just a few seconds in front of the fireplace and I start making my way around the leather ottoman.

It is at this precise moment that I say to Kelli, “What is that SMELL?”  It is then at THAT precise moment that her sweet daughter Grace says, “Miss Amanda, you’re on fire!”  I WAS!!!!  My lovely, flowy denim skirt I had worn to look professional and “teachery” today at school had bumped up against the flames and I was now lit.

By this time all four children have come into the room to check out the commotion and I’m trying my best to remain calm.  “Help me, Kelli” I’m repeating over and over in the calmest voice I could muster.  She and I rush to the front door, I suppose to give everyone on Main Street a clearer view of my burning rear, and proceed to attempt to unzip my zipper.  In the panic this was not such an easy task so we end up jerking my skirt to the floor and proceed to stomp it as if we’re performing a Mexican hat dance.  Little embers were lighting up all over my rug and we’re jumping from place to place putting it out- putting out the skirt, putting out the rug, putting out the embers.  I didn’t even have time to be embarrassed that I am now standing skirtless in front of Kelli and four wide-eyed children.  In an instant, once we realized no one was injured, Kelli and I began to laugh so hard that tears were streaming down our faces.  I’m sure our children thought that we had finally snapped and were ready for shock therapy.

We, of course, had to immediately fall upon one another and crack up.  I thanked her for saving my life and we joked about my Michael Jackson-esque experience.  After we collected ourselves I threw my denim skirt in the trash can and we took our kids to eat supper.  I thought my day had started badly…. I had NO idea!

So, the next time you’re thinking about what an awful day you’re having, I would encourage you to ask yourself just one thing- did you set yourself on fire today?  Cause if not, stop your belly aching !!!!  This lesson applies to me as well!  🙂

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. elfinfun
    Feb 16, 2010 @ 22:19:32

    I am laughing all over again. I repreated this story to “Mr. Articulate”. He was gasping loudly, “Oh, no!”. Then I burst into hysterics. There was a looong pause on the phone. I could actually “hear” him shaking his head. We are truly too twisted for color t.v. Girl, I can only think of one person I would want to help me put out the fires in my life – YOU!! What a wacky afternoon we had. I wonder what stories will be told by our children at school tomorrow. Hysterical. See you at breakfast – stay away from heat sources. I just don’t have the energy to yank your clothing off again and stomp. 🙂



  2. June
    Feb 16, 2010 @ 23:09:21

    Thanks for the laugh, needed it. 🙂



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