When Church Hurts

During my 40-year layover on this planet I have realized that life is like an onslaught of waves crashing upon the beach with varying degrees of intensity.  Some of those waves are violent and crushing while others glide listlessly up to the shore and give the sands a gentle kiss.  We’ve all experienced pain which we thought to be unbearable (and yet, here we are) and we’ve all been transported to that heavenly place of sheer bliss.  In my lifetime I’ve had my heart-broken and been a heart breaker.  I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and betrayed.  My hands are not clean of dishing out pain, either.  Sad, but honest.

As you grow up you quickly learn that some people at some point will inevitably let you down.  It may be a friend.  It may be a parent or a mentor.  It may be a lover or a spouse.  We come to expect that people are fallible and the disappointment which comes with that revelation is expected and accepted.  Please do not think that I intend this to be a blanket statement.  I am not at all implying that everyone will let us down, simply that we’ve all tasted that pain of betrayal, rejection, and disappointment.  It happens, it hurts, and you move on.

What happens, though, when the entity which has hurt you is neither a friend, a parent, a mentor, a lover or a spouse?  What if the cause of your hurt is your church?  What then?  Isn’t church the place you are supposed to come to for a spiritual respite?  A place of forgiveness and love and acceptance and encouragement, right?  Isn’t that what Christ instructed? 

I Thessalonians 5:14  “And we urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

I Peter 1:22 “Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.”

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.  My father was on staff of a church in AR for 11 years.  As a “staff kid” I had the misfortune of tasting my first dose of such a disappointment when my father was “released” abruptly after the resignation of our senior pastor.  I was 17 years old at the time.  This church was literally my whole life.  I had been in this church from the age of 4.  My sister and I had participated in virtually every mission trip, evangelism outreach for children and youth, Sunday School class, choir, drama team, church camp to New Life Ranch, music camp, and program which was available to children our ages.  We had lifelong friendships which were established in that church.  We lived and socialized with these people.  This was OUR church.  Ours.  We loved it.  Then as quick as a wink it was all taken away.  I didn’t fully understand then as I do now, but situations such as this make it virtually impossible for the people being “rejected” to stay on as a member.  How do you remain in a place which seems to have turned its back on you?  How can you?

The pain of this incident stuck with me for years.  Our family bounced around to several different churches, but never again found that “home” which we had cultivated and nurtured in our time at that church.  Nothing compared.  When an event such as this happens to us, we have two choices- we can either turn our backs on God and say, “How could YOU allow this to happen?” and become bitter and resentful; or we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and keep marching straight ahead.  It was not easy by any means, but my family chose to do the latter.

I went through it personally and I think it would be safe to say that we all know of people who have been let down in some way by their church or by their God (as they see it).  Whether it’s through church politics or even possibly the death of a loved one, these people will often times quit going to church out of some form of protest.  I guess they are trying to really “show God” by not going.  The sad truth is that people who allow themselves to build up this wall of anger toward God are really only hurting themselves.

Now please don’t think that I don’t understand.  Buddy, I do.  There were many times I’ve called out to God in anger.  I’ve TOLD Him that I’m angry.  I don’t think He minds when we do this.  If God is our Heavenly Father, then just as we might with our earthly father, we may experience a few bumps in our relationship.  I talk to God just as if He was in the room with me and I talk to Him honestly about my feelings.  My prayers to Him are never long, flowery, poetic proses.  They are conversations with my Father, expressed in much the same way I would with all of you.  I think God wants us to be honest with Him about our feelings, our hopes, our desires, our fears, and our disappointments. 

It would be easy to allow ourselves to wallow in some degree of self-pity.  Poor us, so-and-so has done us so wrong.  Or on an even tougher note, how could a loving God allow THIS to happen?  Well, friend, let me tell you- I ask God this everyday about my own father.  How could God allow THIS to happen?  Why would such a horrible illness happen to such a wonderful man?  So friend, I get it.  Painfully, firsthand, I get it.  But, here is the difference-

I have learned that when we are angry, disappointed, and hurting we immediately begin to look for somewhere to point a finger.  We have to blame someone or something for this horrible feeling in the pit of our stomach… why not let it be God?  I can only speak for myself when I answer this, but this is my answer- we can not react that way because people are fallible.  God is not.  It is not God who lets us down.  It is not God who causes our pain.  Why then would we punish Him for something He did not do?

If it is “your chuch” which has let you down you must remember that it is not your God Who has done so.  The people in your church are only human.  Sinful, imperfect humans…  fallible.  Just as we all are.  People are going to let us down.  Remember as I said earlier, it is expected and accepted.  We must not give Satan the upper hand by taking an already-painful situation and making it worse by turning away from the Lord.  This is the time we must draw even closer to Him for support.  He is mighty and He will provide.

I am probably writing this tonight for myself more so than any other reason.  Similar circumstances in my current town have brought back a barrage of memories and feelings.  Two little girls whom I love oh so dearly may be experiencing the same hurt and confusion that I felt those 22 years ago.  If they were to ask me what to do I would tell them this- I am committing to myself and to anyone who is listening that no matter how bad circumstances may get in life, I will not walk away from Him.  The Lord is the one constant I know I can always count on without fail.  He is infallible.  God will never hurt us.  Circumstances and people will.  He loves us eternally.  I will repay that love with undying loyalty.  It’s the very least I can do for Him.  That was what pulled us through all those years ago and that is what will pull you through today.